The Moon as a shape-shifter, a mystery. Beautiful in its own shy way, yet always reflecting the light of a distant star. Trying so hard to find its own fullness.
I likes this very much. It reminded me of how my oldest (he's now three) could always pick out the moon in the sky, day and night. "Moo" was one of his first words.
This is sublime, Brian. As Weston said, this had a real child's tone to it throughout. Great rhythm, especially hitting
Ink
Black
Matte
Can I ask about how you decide on your line breaks? I'm fascinated by this process in poetry now.
Reading through this and seeing the changing lengths of each line made me think about the changing phases of the moon.
Have you ever read Mark Danielewski's The Familiar? He does some incredible incredible things with formatting of words. There's one character chapter in particular that traces an orb/moon across the page, waxing and waning, all through the white space around sentences.
The line breaks are a lot of feel and cadence, with some direction on how I hear it being read. Then there are times, like this poem, where the length of each line varies tremendously. For this poem the short lines are meant to be somewhat punchy, and the longer lines feel more like storytelling.
Typically the last question I ask pertaining to breaks and punctuation is, “does it feel right”?
The line breaks in this one we’re tricky. The final version has many more one and two word lines then the original.
The line breaks and varying line lengths work really well, I think. The rhythm feels right to me and brings to mind the waxing and waning of the moon without being too heavy handed.
I didn't know what to make of this poem at first; the stretched text and absence of the typical rhyming, but as I continued to read it drew me in to feel the wonder of a small child gazing at the sky, asking questions no one seems to be answering. Nice work!
The image of the moon during the day, reminded me of those summer days when I was a child. Where I grew up, summer was in December and I remember the huge light blue sky, cloudless, so cloudless, the moon seemed to show all her wrinkles. I used to point at it. And you’re right! Nobody talks about a visible moon during the day. Thank you for noticing it. What a joyful memory in a day in which I received very sad news about a colleague’s accident. He would have noticed a visible moon during the day too, he is a poet too.
Carolina, it makes me happy this was a joyful memory for you today, and thank you for sharing it with me. I’m very sorry to hear about your sad news...I hope poetry can be a salve for you during this time. 🌊
I love the reference to waxing and waning, I still can't remember which is which! It's such a gentle stroll, liking much of it, especially "it's there reflecting someone else's light."
I really like this poem on the one Moon. It's one Moon that goes through so many phases on constant repeat. But it's the same Moon or is it? And the phases we see are from our own perspection and perception. To the Moon, there are no phases perhaps. It's just the Moon being the Moon.
I like the your description of the Moon being seen during the day and how no one seems to notice it hanging up there in the sky in late morning.
Thanks for reading and commenting Neil! I like your notes on the different perspectives, we all have them...you, me, the moon. I think our lives are better when we remember those around us may be having very different experiences then we are.
It is truly weird how no one ever talks about the weirdness of the daytime moon. People really don't want to dwell on it for some reason. You hit on something there for sure. And then the next move, the idea of it as a subject for a kids' picturebook, seems exactly right.
The Moon as a shape-shifter, a mystery. Beautiful in its own shy way, yet always reflecting the light of a distant star. Trying so hard to find its own fullness.
Your words are always a treasure. Thank you for being here🌟
I likes this very much. It reminded me of how my oldest (he's now three) could always pick out the moon in the sky, day and night. "Moo" was one of his first words.
Love...3 year olds, so much fun, so much work!!
When I was a kid, I too was confused by the term, new moon. Great poem, Brian! I hope we get an explication of this one!
You know it!
Brian, it was fun, very carefree & confident. Yes, very childlike, like many say.
Thank you!
Here’s to fun poetry😃. Thank you for reading!
This is sublime, Brian. As Weston said, this had a real child's tone to it throughout. Great rhythm, especially hitting
Ink
Black
Matte
Can I ask about how you decide on your line breaks? I'm fascinated by this process in poetry now.
Reading through this and seeing the changing lengths of each line made me think about the changing phases of the moon.
Have you ever read Mark Danielewski's The Familiar? He does some incredible incredible things with formatting of words. There's one character chapter in particular that traces an orb/moon across the page, waxing and waning, all through the white space around sentences.
The line breaks are a lot of feel and cadence, with some direction on how I hear it being read. Then there are times, like this poem, where the length of each line varies tremendously. For this poem the short lines are meant to be somewhat punchy, and the longer lines feel more like storytelling.
Typically the last question I ask pertaining to breaks and punctuation is, “does it feel right”?
The line breaks in this one we’re tricky. The final version has many more one and two word lines then the original.
Great question!
PS here's an example from The Familiar: https://www.npr.org/2015/05/10/404917355/danielewski-returns-with-a-long-sideways-look-at-the-familiar
Some images down the page.
Wow, that is some creativity and long term planning! I’m going to check these out, it looks very interesting.
I know. Insane. It's a shame it never got finished, but you can understand the publication costs for making such a thing.
I picked up book one of The Familiar yesterday!
Amazing. Let me know what you think whenever you get a chance. It's pretty cryptic in places, but I hope you enjoy the styles and use of language.
I’ll report back after I read.👍
I will check this out! I have not heard of this, thanks for sharing it!
No worries. I'm in awe of his writing. It's pretty wild stuff. I did write about it my early, early days here this year (if you're OK with my sharing a link): https://slake.substack.com/p/the-inimitable-brilliance-of-mark
The line breaks and varying line lengths work really well, I think. The rhythm feels right to me and brings to mind the waxing and waning of the moon without being too heavy handed.
Interesting tie, of the breaks to waxing and waning. I like it.
Great info Brian, thank you. I'm very much behind "does it feel right?". That's essentially how I do all my writing/editing.
You picked the main lyrical phrase and pulled it right out. I thought you would like that part!
You thought correctly ;)
that was good, I enjoyed that, had that child's tone.
Thanks Weston!
Love it! Ah! All the things about the moon I think I've thought, but never put to words. Well done.
Thank you Cheryl, I’m glad it provided some words around your thoughts!
I really like the intertwining of the moons' cycles and the development of awareness in childhood. Enlightenment on so many levels.
Thanks Kim, good observation on the cycles and development 🌿
*snap snap snap* what a pleasing parallel between the macro and micro moments of our world
Thank you Julia🙂
Beautiful, beautiful. This has a very colloquial/off-the-cuff feeling to it, which is really compelling. Great work!
Thank you. It’s not my typical poetic voice but it’s popped out a few times in the past year and it yields interesting results. Thanks for reading!
I didn't know what to make of this poem at first; the stretched text and absence of the typical rhyming, but as I continued to read it drew me in to feel the wonder of a small child gazing at the sky, asking questions no one seems to be answering. Nice work!
Gary, thanks, I’m glad it pulled you in!
The image of the moon during the day, reminded me of those summer days when I was a child. Where I grew up, summer was in December and I remember the huge light blue sky, cloudless, so cloudless, the moon seemed to show all her wrinkles. I used to point at it. And you’re right! Nobody talks about a visible moon during the day. Thank you for noticing it. What a joyful memory in a day in which I received very sad news about a colleague’s accident. He would have noticed a visible moon during the day too, he is a poet too.
Carolina, it makes me happy this was a joyful memory for you today, and thank you for sharing it with me. I’m very sorry to hear about your sad news...I hope poetry can be a salve for you during this time. 🌊
Your poem did feel like a salve today :) Thank you for writing it :)
I love the reference to waxing and waning, I still can't remember which is which! It's such a gentle stroll, liking much of it, especially "it's there reflecting someone else's light."
Thanks for reading Mya!
I really like this poem on the one Moon. It's one Moon that goes through so many phases on constant repeat. But it's the same Moon or is it? And the phases we see are from our own perspection and perception. To the Moon, there are no phases perhaps. It's just the Moon being the Moon.
I like the your description of the Moon being seen during the day and how no one seems to notice it hanging up there in the sky in late morning.
"What am I to do with that?
Why won’t anyone talk about it?
It’s kind of pretty
in its
forbidden
state."
This is a great - it's almost like a Zen koan.
Thanks for reading and commenting Neil! I like your notes on the different perspectives, we all have them...you, me, the moon. I think our lives are better when we remember those around us may be having very different experiences then we are.
Thanks for being here!
I love this as well…
The one tidbit - the picture made me think of pictures in a condensed version of The Time Machine.
I had to read this because I loved that book - and I love your writing!
Thank you!
It is truly weird how no one ever talks about the weirdness of the daytime moon. People really don't want to dwell on it for some reason. You hit on something there for sure. And then the next move, the idea of it as a subject for a kids' picturebook, seems exactly right.
Strange indeed! Thanks Jonathan.