Journal: A reflection
Seeing clearly and an attempt at a patterned poem
Spoken rendition of “Journal”.
Inspiration
Over the past few years, I have grown consistent in my creative writing endeavor, but still find myself struggling to devote time to journaling. Certainly, writing poetry acts as a form of journaling, but I believe there is value in writing without the critic’s eye. That is, writing down whatever is in the head or body, what is being ruminated on, attempts to make changes, struggles, goals, you get it. When I do this practice even for just a few days, it is very clarifying, more than just thinking through or even speaking through things. Unfortunately, I seem to wait until an event or relationship is askew before I hunker down to write. The writing inevitably brings clarity, healing, and progress, and with it a new commitment to keep putting pen to paper. That commitment ends up being like a New Years resolution that disappears by January 3rd.
I think this happens because while I know in my head that journaling is transformative, I have not let that reality sink deep into my body. In my humble opinion I think poetry is an amazing way to take a truth from your mind to the deep places in you. This poem began as a project to bring more than just the head knowledge of what self-reflecting through writing can do. It was meant to spark an embodiment of what moving from fear of honesty to clear seeing feels like after the effort, the honesty, the embarrassment, and the refreshment hits the page.
Themes
The theme of change emerged through the story of a tree that we do not know much about. It could have been one of the ancient behemoths that had stood for hundreds of years before being cut without consideration of their history, or perhaps it was a tree planted and grown for use in a more sustainable method, or maybe it was a tree that lived its life fully and eventually fell when it was its time. Those details are yours to create and can certainly shape the story you experience in this poem. What we do know is this tree’s time came to an end.
The day this tree fell…
Then throughout the rest of the poem we see this tree transform into something that carries life beyond its own ending. While the tree no longer existed as a tree, it still existed. It became not only paper, but a journal, and eventually what served as a type of mirror for this seeker.
The other theme is the original idea that spurred this poem, the transition from a state of not knowing to seeing something clearly. The subject begins with a defensive posture through an admission of ignorance, or perhaps an admission of its close brothers named apathy, inattention, or selfishness. Or perhaps it is simply an acknowledgement of pain and discomfort in what happened to the other, and likely is happening somewhere in them.
…I was not there to witness her demise.
Next, we begin to see a slow transformation. I mean, how long would it take for a pen to be able to turn a dead tree into paper? They state, “this day”, but I imagine it was not only today, but many “this days’” stacked end on end.
Now this day, ink carves rough layered bark into a clear mirror…
That premise of wood to glass is certainly impossible without some sort of magic addition to the series of events. My take is that magic was the commitment to the self-exploration this individual made. Day after day, they poured honesty from heart to hand to the pen, bringing tears, frustration, misunderstanding, understanding, some realization, and asking question after question. Through this process, they begin to make some sense of their history and their story that has brought them to this point.
…reflecting what stands over shoulder…
Finally, this individual is almost surprised to see themself in the reflection that this clarity offers. I imagine this is a person that has learned something new about who they are, their place in the world and what it is they are to do in it.
…my bright face stands there too.
Poetic format
Like most of my poetry, Journal started with free verse. However, I have been inspired by multiple writers on Substack who write more formal, or if not really formal, various types of patterned poetry. One example is Jason McBride of Weird Poetry who writes and releases beautiful Haiku almost daily (you should definitely subscribe to Weird Poetry). I really liked the flow of the first stanza of Journal and decided to use this inspiration from others to attempt to insert patterned structure into the poem. I took the almost finalized free verse poem and re-worked it into the pattern of syllables that the first stanza held (3-2-4-3-3).
As I was writing, I intended to publish both the free verse and the patterned version, as the free verse contained the identity I have handed myself in my poetry, and the pattern was an experiment. However, when both were complete, the free verse only held a few extra words whose effect was to close off some openness of the poem. Therefore, what made it to the final page was only the structured poem.
As always, thank you for reading! I hope you’ll take everything I wrote about the themes in Journal and entirely throw it out to replace it with what you feel when you read it. This is the intent of the Poetry & Process newsletter, designed to allow you to have space to let the poem do its work in you, by publishing the poem first with the reflection published days later. Poetry is alive and can inspire many different things and I honor that.
May you live with ease.
Brian
If you missed the “A Poem” post of Journal, I hope you will read and enjoy! You can find it here.
It's good to see you embracing forms. I think that they actually help by providing structure.
I enjoyed thinking about the journey or the journal