What you describe is what I hope for with Substack but most reader are simply complementary but not critical. I read with a critical eye always and here are some thoughts.
1. Why are ducks considered a "volley of death"? I understand the are a quiver but a duck, in and of himself, is not any deliverer of death except for June bugs and worms.
2. do duck flirt through the air? What are they flirting with, each other, the air, with death?
3. Since the focus is mostly ducks or birds, to include teeth as an image doesn't feel right.
I like the Maya Popa environment and wish we could have more of that here on Substack. Thanks for the cool poem, Brian. ps. I thought you might shape the poem like an arrow or like a flock on the wing or a wing itself. Wes
No ducks in my mind or the poem...just a general bird. The bird that inspired the poem looks like an arrowhead, which is where the archery themes throughout emerged...arrows, loosed, flirt (a flirt is a specific, undesirable arrow flight pattern), float, volley, quiver, threat...all archery terms and themes.
Regarding birds and death, teeth and birds, the surprise in pairing is part of the point...this poem focuses on the danger and death that love and life require...There is an aspect of violence that is inevitable in the provision of love, and I am hoping there is an uncomfortable feeling that a reader is left with at the end, due to this complexity.
This is a beautiful poem and I love the reflection of how it came together.
Thanks LeeAnn🙂
What you describe is what I hope for with Substack but most reader are simply complementary but not critical. I read with a critical eye always and here are some thoughts.
1. Why are ducks considered a "volley of death"? I understand the are a quiver but a duck, in and of himself, is not any deliverer of death except for June bugs and worms.
2. do duck flirt through the air? What are they flirting with, each other, the air, with death?
3. Since the focus is mostly ducks or birds, to include teeth as an image doesn't feel right.
I like the Maya Popa environment and wish we could have more of that here on Substack. Thanks for the cool poem, Brian. ps. I thought you might shape the poem like an arrow or like a flock on the wing or a wing itself. Wes
Thanks Wes, and thanks for the close read!
No ducks in my mind or the poem...just a general bird. The bird that inspired the poem looks like an arrowhead, which is where the archery themes throughout emerged...arrows, loosed, flirt (a flirt is a specific, undesirable arrow flight pattern), float, volley, quiver, threat...all archery terms and themes.
Regarding birds and death, teeth and birds, the surprise in pairing is part of the point...this poem focuses on the danger and death that love and life require...There is an aspect of violence that is inevitable in the provision of love, and I am hoping there is an uncomfortable feeling that a reader is left with at the end, due to this complexity.
Rest now.
Rest.
Lovely & consoling—thank you, Brian.
Thanks Ann😊
Beautiful! Poetry definitely needs to be listened to. Hearing it adds so much!
Hey, I’m glad you enjoyed the reading. I find the listening is about a slower pace…lets the poem do its work.
I agree. It’s more intentional. Obviously, reading it is still beautiful. :)
I Like haikus and this is similar “in nature” ha
😊…thanks for reading!